Entry One

I have come to the conclusion that in my life time there will be something that happens that will lead humanity into a new direction. And I don't think it is going to be much fun of a ride. But im getting ahead of myself a bit here. Lets start from the beginning, my name is Liz and I am 31 years old. I am not a scholar or a profit or a great mind of any kind. I am an average women, who frankly is a bit lost in the world. I don't know what purpose I serve or where I lead or even if I do lead anything other than on-line rants. The truth is, I just feel like I should write about it. And here we all are, great...were caught up. Im a religious person, but not according to the standards of the church. I do not attend church. I never liked the idea of a preacher or a reverend or a father. I understand that there is a god and I believe in him one hundred and seventy two percent. But I don't live the best way I should. I am a sinner, and is shames me. But we are all sinners in life, how else does one learn. What I am saying to you is, I believe in god, but I don't study as I should, I have a hard time being in groups and trying to worship because I find too many faults in the system. But I would never bash anyones church, if you find peace in it then it is for you and you are where you are meant to be. I feel my relationship with god is a very personal and exclusive one. I practice to the beat of my own drum. I think that is how we all do it anyway. Faith was always meant to be a spiritual thing and since we all have a spirit that is unique to who we are then the way in which we believe will be different and I am not naive to the beauty of that. I am not uncomfortable talking about god with other people, even those that do not believe although I do tend to get defensive. Another issue I have to work on. Its not the "cool" thing to do, to talk openly about god. Most people would rather avoid it, and I find that to be sad. You find the most out about a person by what they believe. For example, if someone is an atheist, and they believe in only what they see or can be proven, then the truth of it usually is that they have a hard time excepting that life will end. They most likely deep down fear death because they think death is nothingness. And to be honest, if I put myself in their shoes, dying and becoming nothing is pretty scary. But I can not judge others for being different, I can try to nudge them with hope, and if they bite then great but no one likes to be the pushy one and shoving beliefs down someones trout

isn't free will. Another example and conversations I enjoy having are with the Jewish Faith. We believe in a lot of similar things, and to be honest I am still confused by the things that we differ in because I think there is some logic in both opinions. I was explained that in the Jewish religion they believe that Jesus has not come to earth yet but will one day return. In my religion, I was told that Jesus gave his life for our sins so that we could be forgiven and granted into heaven. So the idea of Jesus never having come down could be a giant gap. But we come together I think on why he will return, and that makes me curious. Jesus is said to return to fight back the devil and the Antichrist and his army. I don't know a whole lot about the Jewish Faith so I cant say that is what they believe to but I got the feeling that they were on a similar page to. I also know that Jesus was Jewish himself. So I have always had this inner struggle with myself, that if Jesus was Jewish, shouldn't I also be Jewish. I am confused on how it all works. I am confused by the bible as well. I cant see how a carpenter who was supposed to speak to the common man would speak in such a confusing context. But they spoke differently then and the language has evolved so I have to also take that into account. But sometimes it makes my head spin. I am skeptical about asking what things mean because I think a lot of the things in the bible are meant to speak directly to the person in the situation they are in. So how one takes it is different from how the other takes it. Maybe that is the whole point...maybe the bible was not meant to have all the answers but to stem conversations that would find you the right answers. I don't know....I have never spoken to Jesus to ask him directly, but one day I will. I wonder a lot about what I would say to him, but that is a whole different topic for another day.

Why do I feel like one day things will happen and things will change? Mostly because my 85 year old grand mother, whom is the most religious person I know and trust told me that I need to prepare because the end will happen one day in my lifetime, or the beginning of the end. She said something is coming. She is not senial or a person with a wild imagination who exaggerates, and she doesn't buy into conspiracy ideas, so when she told me this I knew she spoke the truth about what she was feeling. I knew then that she would only say something like that if she knew in her heart that god was going to take action. She is also the person I lean on the most for answers, the one person I trust to go to with questions of faith. She explains it to me so I can understand, and I never found any serious faults in it other than how she fews marriage compared to todays standards. Personally I wish it was still that way instead. For weeks I sat around thinking about what my grandmother had said. Then I noticed that there was a lot on television about the end of days and its probability of it being in our lifetime. The whole thing makes me nervous. So I have decided to write the stages in myself in how I can prepare...how I can maybe make some kind of sense about what is happening. If I can make sense of it then maybe I will know how to help or what I can do to change things in a good way. The only thing I know now is which side im going to stand on...and that side is with god. Always and forever. I hope tho, that if the end of days does happen, I hope I get to meet my bad ass big brother Michael the arch angel...because he is where the fight is...and thats where I want to help the most. I don't want to sit idle while evil takes over. No sir...I will not lay down and say well its too hard...I will say ahh shit..this is gonna hurt before I say that. Besides, hes like bestie with god and I can ask him the questions I cant seem to ask anyone else. I def peaceful sleep ensured after that convo. My brain goes off at night a lot with those questions.